Winners and Losers
by Somebody's Dark Angel
Summary: Promise me something?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Promise you’ll let me go first.”


**Winners and Losers**

Josh was asleep, and then he was not. He blinked a few times, trying to figure out what had woken him. For a moment he was disoriented but, as his eyes gradually took in the shapes in the darkened room, he remembered where he was. Nikki's arm was draped over his waist and he reached down to cover her hand with his own.

Suddenly he felt something nudge his back. Then again. The third time it was even harder.

"Nikki," he said quietly, knowing she was awake. "Why do you always lean up against me when the baby is kicking in the middle of the night?"

She laced her fingers through his, the matching gold bands on their fingers glinting in the moonlight. "Because I figure if we're both awake, you should be, too." She sounded both tired and amused and as she pressed her lips to his shoulder, he felt her smile against his skin.

Having learnt the hard way what happened when he argued with his pregnant wife, Josh decided not to debate her logic and instead turned over to face her. "Can't you calm her down?"

"What do you want me to do? Swallow a toy to keep him occupied?"

The indignant expression on her face caused him to chuckle and move closer. "As amusing as that image is, I was thinking something more along the lines of this." He rubbed her belly gently, smiling when the baby kicked the palm of his hand.

"Mmm…" Nikki returned the smile, moving her head closer so they were sharing the same pillow. "This is what I was after. Daddy has the magic touch. Must be because he's a boy."

"Why do you insist it's a boy? We don't know either way. And it was your idea to be surprised," he reminded gently, grasping her waist and tugging her closer.

"I just have a feeling. It feels like a boy." She leaned forward to kiss him lightly, then traced a finger down his chest playfully.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness they were so often denied. Josh had declined a promotion when Nikki fell pregnant, preferring week-long patrols to the months at sea which would come with a frigate posting. But he was still away more often than not, so they took the time when they could, even if it was in the middle of the night.

"Josh?" Nikki eventually broke the silence, her hand stilling over his heart. "Do you think we should consider a home birth?" The rhythmic thumping under her palm instantly sped up and his caresses stopped.

"No!"

The vehemence in his answer surprised her – he'd been unusually receptive to every suggestion thus far, even the more random things she'd come up with. She looked into his eyes and saw a fear that she'd never seen before. Her confusion must have shown in her face, for he sighed and took her hands in his.

"Nikki, I…" he trailed off, mind a thousand miles away.

She smirked and tapped their joined hands against his chest. "It can't be any worse than public health care – you always get a bed at home!" The joke was an attempt to lighten the mood, but her words only caused his face to tighten further.

"We have private health care." He tried to keep his voice flat, but she could hear the emotion he was trying to hide.

Wriggling closer, Nikki wished she could lie flush against him. Instead, she looped her arms around his neck, and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. "Josh, tell me what's wrong. What are you thinking?"

"I… I'm thinking that I couldn't bear to lose you." Once he started, the words kept spilling out, leaving no room for her to interrupt. "If you had a home birth and something happened… a midwife isn't a doctor – I'd never forgive myself if you died for something as simple as a comfortable bed. And especially if I can't be there with you when you're in labour… you have to be in the hands of people who know what they're doing."

His gaze had moved away from hers the moment he started speaking, drifting down to her stomach, sandwiched in between their bodies. Feeling a kick inside her, Nikki also looked down. The two of them watched as the skin at the top of her stomach pushed out slowly, imagining the shape of the little foot underneath.

Taking in a shaky breath, Josh wrapped his arms around her waist and raised his eyes back to hers. "I love you, so much. And I don't ever want to be without you."

She smiled shyly and nodded. "I feel the same way. I'd never want to live without you."

Josh kissed her forehead, then placed a hand either side of her face and looked deep into her eyes. "But you could. You're so much stronger than I am. 'Specially with the baby… I don't think I could raise her alone."

Smirking, she opened her mouth to retort on the feminine pronoun, but he placed a finger over her lips.

"Or him. Either way, I… promise me something?" He didn't wait for a response. "Promise you'll let me go first."

Eyes wide and moist, Nikki opened her mouth, but she didn't know what to say. "Josh…" A tear tracked down her cheek, until Josh caught it with his thumb.

"I'm sorry, Bub, I didn't mean to upset you." He kissed away the tears as they fell, making his way along her jaw to her lips.

His touch was pure comfort, with no attempt to take things further. It was wonderful to fall asleep with the sensation of a kiss still lingering on lips, while hands stroked delicately and wholly without their owner's knowledge over sensitive skin. After he drifted off, Josh's fingers threaded through Nikki's hair. She sighed, but didn't wake, kissing his shoulder as she slept.

……………

The night was warm and cloudless, with a slight sea breeze which ran its fingers through Nikki's loose hair and toyed with the bottom of her blue dress. They walked along the street, arms around one another's waists, Josh toying with her engagement ring.

It was their monthly date night, something Nikki had implemented after the birth of their first child; a girl, much to Josh's delight. After dinner and a movie, they were now on their way home… and the kids were staying at Kate's house overnight.

"Cold?" he whispered in her ear, making her shiver.

"I'm good," she replied with a smile, resting her head on his shoulder.

Nevertheless, he pulled her slightly closer, thinking that life couldn't get any better than this.

"Don't move!" a voice came out of the darkness.

Stopping in their tracks, Nikki and Josh glanced at one another. Their eyes widened when they heard the unmistakable click of a gun being cocked. Josh moved in between his wife and the gunman, hands up in a non-threatening gesture.

"I said, don't move! Gimme your wallet. And her purse." The guy was obviously nervous, waving the gun around to intimidate his intended victims.

"Hey, mate… don't do anything stupid. Here you go." Holding out the requested items, Josh slowly walked towards the gunman. He watched the guy carefully, trying to gauge the threat the mugger posed.

Just as Josh got within arm's length of the mugger, a car backfired, startling them both. Josh ducked instinctively, while the gunman's entire body jerked around to face the street. The gun went off and the recoil threw the guy to the ground, where he scrambled away. Josh made to follow him, but turned back when Nikki cried out.

His heart almost stopped when he saw her. She was slumped on the pavement, both hands pressed to her leg. The royal blue skirt of her dress was almost black, and her fingers were coated in red. Her eyes met his as he crouched next to her, and the fear in them was more worrying than the blood gushing from the hole in her thigh.

"What do I do, Nikki? What do I do?" he asked, hands pressing over hers.

"Call an ambulance," she gasped, pointing to her bag, still hooked over his arm.

He fumbled through the bag, fingers slipping over the jumble of items she kept in there. She'd yell at him about getting blood over her things later. At least, he hoped she would.

His eyes kept straying to Nikki as he spoke to the operator, watching as she grew paler and paler with every passing second. "Just get here, now!" he eventually yelled, then tossed the phone aside and pushed his hands back down over Nikki's. Pressure would stop the bleeding. That was what he'd always been told.

"Look after… the girls," she whispered as she touched her lips to his cheek.

"No, Nikki, stay with me!" Josh yelled, taking one hand off the wound to cup her face. "Please, don't give up, Bub." He kissed her gently and leaned his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. "Don't leave me…" The words were whispered, the volume stolen by the emotions surging through him.

The pressure wasn't working. Her blood was pooling around and over his fingers, staining his skin and jeans. Idly, he wondered how hard it would be to get all this blood out of their clothes.

"Love… you…" Her breathing was getting shallower, the rise and fall of her chest lessening with every breath.

"No, Nikki, you promised…" His eyes widened in realisation as he said the words. He'd asked, but she hadn't promised.

A smile spread over her face, even as the light faded from her eyes and her fingers slackened in his. "I win."


End file.
